Swagbucks Work!

Yesterday I posted about how I coupon shop to save money. Well, another thing I started doing is using Swagbucks. I don't remember how I first heard about Swagbucks, but I remember being skeptical. I mean how can you earn points to redeem for prizes just by searching the Internet? Well, you can, and I do. First you have to sign up, and its totally free. You then can install one of their search tool bars and then do what you do every day. Search the web. You'll randomly be awarded points. Once you have enough points, you redeem them for prizes. My fave prizes are the Amazon gift cards. You can also earn points by doing surveys, or trading in books, or even using coupons. Since I signed up in November, I have earned $125 in Amazon gift cards. I use those gift cards to pay for diapers and things for Mikayla. Its free money, and really who doesn't want free money? So head on over and sign up. You'll be glad you did!

If you do decide to sign up (you totally should) please use the banner below as I get swagbucks for referrals!! :) Oh and when you sign up, you get an automatic free 30 swagbucks! 

Just call me Krazy

The Krazy Coupon Lady that it. Or not, since I'm just getting started. I started couponing a month or so ago in an effort to save as much money as I could. Babies are expensive, and since I'm on maternity leave and won't be going back to work full time, we needed to save as much as possible. The biggest expense when having a baby, besides the delivery fee of course, is diapers and wipes. If you pay full price for those diapers, and use a name brand like Huggies or Pampers, you'll spend between $.21 $.23 a diaper. I never ever buy diapers at full price. I'm  bit of a diaper snob, and use Huggies. I'm sure Pampers is just as great, but Huggies, they offer more coupons! I never spend more that $.18 a diaper either. I usually buy all my diapers on Amazon.com, but if I have a coupon, I'll buy a small pack in the store. With Amazon.com and a prime account, you can use there subscribe and save feature, and get diapers for as low as $.14 each. That's a huge savings! I never pass up a coupon though, and will use the high value ones on a sale to get the biggest bang for my buck.

Another major expense is formula if you choose not to, or can't breastfeed. Formula is expensive. Did you know you can purchase unopened, sealed, unexpired formula on ebay? I didn't. That is till a couple weeks ago.  Moms and Dads sell the formula that they don't use or can't use. Its awesome. I have purchased close to 3 months worth of formula for less then $200. I was spending $80 a month before. 

Pet food is majorly spendy too. I'm a bit of a dog food snob also and my pooch eats Science Diet. A small bag will run you almost $12.00. Today I bought 2 small bags using two coupons worth $8.00 off each bag, got 6 free cans of wet Science Diet Dog Food, and bought my pup a new toy, all for less then 1 bag at normal price would have cost me! I spent a little over $10 bucks and saved more than $30! All at PETCO! 

Sure couponing takes work. I spend a few hours a week organizing and planning. To go to the store and buy $150.00 worth of groceries for less then $100 makes it all worth it though. I'm certainly not as good as the extreme couponers you see on TLC. And really, who has the room for thousands and thousands of dollars worth of groceries. Certainly not me, but I will save money where I can, and for me, it works!



***I'm in no way being paid to endorse any of the companies or brands I talked about. These are just brands that I use and wanted to share my tips for saving money. 

The birth story of Mikayla Jane Bucher

I was reading through my posts and realized I never posted her birth story.

My induction was originally scheduled for December 14, 2011. I woke up that morning feeling very emotional and overwhelmed. Since it was scheduled for so late in the day, I had told Chris that he could go ahead and work that day and just meet me at the hospital when he got off. That was the worst mistake I could have made. As soon as he left I burst into tears. I wanted nothing more then for him to be home with me. I had so many emotions running through me, that it's almost impossible for me to describe them all. I spent the day crying, finishing the last of the housework and baking. I made brownies for the nurses and birthday cupcakes to welcome Miki's arrival. I tried to stay as busy as I could. 

When Chris called to check on me at 1:30 that afternoon, I burst into tears as soon as I heard his voice and asked him to come home. He promised he'd be on his way shortly. At 2 pm, I called the hospital go make sure they had room for me and much to my disappointment, bumped me from the schedule. This caused another round of tears. My hormones really got the best of me that day. I had to call all the family and my doula and break the news. My mom and sister were already on the way into town, so when Chris got home, we all went to dinnner to celebrate the last day of my pregnancy. 

I slept well that night and woke up ready to have my baby. We arrived at the hospital at about 6:30am on Thursday December 15, 2011. I had just missed my doctor, so we spent the next hour and a half getting checked in, and getting my IV in. I had asked to have a hep lock placed until I need the actual IV. The night nurses that were still on shift were horrible. They had no bedside manner, and were unable to get my IV in. They tried 5 times before I finally refused another stick. I was really glad when the shift change happened and I met my new nurses. They were fantastic and after chugging a bunch of water, they finally got the IV in place. My doctor arrived at 8am to place the Foley bulb. I was 1cm dilated, 0% effaced and -3 station. She wanted to start me on pitocin right away, but I negotiated for 4 hours pit free. I wanted a chance to walk the halls and let gravity work before having to stay close to the bed. Every hour the nurse would come and put traction on the bulb. It was uncomfortable, but I was happy with my choice. I spent the next four hours walking, and doing squats to help the process along. I was contracting every minute or so, but nothing super painful or strong. At about 11am, I went to the bathroom and the Foley bulb fell out! That meant I was about 3cm dilated already. The contractions were stronger, but not terrible. 

My doula Andrea was a huge help in keeping me relaxed. I was handling labour fantastically at that point. I was up and eating and drinking between contractions. I knew I needed to keep my strength up. At noon, my doctor showed up to check me and start the dreaded pitocin. I was 3cm dilated, and still -3 station. The pitocin was started, and I was hooked up to the monitors. I spent 20 minutes in bed and then demanded that I get up. I knew I had to stay hooked up, but I wanted out of bed. I had such a great nurse. She spent hours with me adjusting the monitors so that I could stay out of bed. I spent time laboring on the birth ball, and pacing next to the bed. Every hour I'd unhook myself and go the bathroom. I'd do squats in the bathroom and take way longer then I should have. I was still handling labour great. The contractions were much stronger, but easily breathed through. I was chatting with Chris, Andrea, and my mom and sister. I had a few visitors stop by and I'd laugh and chat until a contraction started. I'd then close my eyes, focus and do my deep breathing. Andrea made sure that my shoulders and face stayed relaxed. All it took was a light touch to remind me. My pitocin was being increased every half an hour and I could feel the contractions getting stronger. I stayed out of bed as much as I could. Mikayla was stubborn though and kept moving away from the monitors. It was a struggle to get consistent readings. She was handling the contractions beautifully though. 

At about 6pm, my doctor showed up to check on me. I was 5cm, about 50% effaced and still -3 station. Even though she was still high, they decided to break my water in the hopes that it would get things moving faster. That's when the real party started. Almost instantly the contractions picked up. They got stronger, and closer together. The back labour started about then as well. I was no longer able to talk between contractions and they took all of my focus. We tried counter pressure on my hips and back, hot compresses and every position we could think of. I spent the next three hours in agony feeling like my spine was being ripped from my back. There was no relief between contractions, and they were one on top of another. At 9pm I was checked again. I was still only 5cm, 50% effaced and still -3 station. Being on my back in bed was agony, but by this point my pitocin was at 19 and they needed to make sure Miki was doing okay and the monitor wasn't staying in place because I was moving so much. I wasn't able to stay calm any longer and I was screaming in pain. I was starting to hyperventilate and my blood pressure was creeping higher and higher. It had been 12 hours and I was only halfway. I knew something had to change. 

I wasn't ready for an epidural yet, but I did opt for a shot of fentynal. I knew the risks, but I needed something as it was becoming unsafe for us both. It dulled the pain enough so that I was able to do some real soul searching. By the time it was wearing off, I was begging them to not let the pain come back. I knew at that time that I needed the epi. I knew the risks and the higher c-section risk, but I truly believed in my gut that that was what I needed to keep us both safe. 

It felt like an eternity before the anesthesiologist showed up. I had doubts and felt guilty for not being strong enough to follow my plan. When he finally showed up, it took 2 tries and 2 hours to get it right. The first time only numbed half my body and sent the contractions down into my leg. After the second try, it took awhile, but eventually I was pain free. After 16 hours of labour it was glorious. I spent the rest of the night resting and watching my contractions and her heart rate on the monitors. I knew that the epi could slow labour down even more, so I was happy to see the contractions staying strong and regular. At some point that night, Miki started having some minor decels in her heart rate, so every half hour the nurses would come in and turn me from side to side. That helped. She also became very erratic when they turned the pitocin up past 19, so they kept it at that level. About 4am, I woke up and noticed that my contractions had spaced way out. I was worried that I was going to be headed for a section, but remembered reading that they get farther apart when you are complete. It had only been 4 hours since the epi was put in, but I requested a check. I was very surprised when she told me I was complete and ready to push. I wasn't feeling any pressure, but after one tiny push, I moved her down enough so I could feel the urge. What an awesome feeling. My epi was wearing off enough by then, that I felt her decend. I had heard horror stories about hours of pushing with epidurals, so I was prepared for the long haul. They got things ready, and had me push through 2 contractions. They had brought in a mirror so that I could watch, and my doula took pictures of the whole thing. I pushed 6 times, and had to stop and wait for my doctor to arrive. Once she got there it was 1 single small push and my baby was here! 25 minutes from the time I was complete to when she was born at 5:07am on December 16, 2011. I had a 2nd degree tear that required some stitches, but other then that it went great. Her apgars were 8's and that was only because she automatically lost a point for being early. They put her to my chest immediately and she stayed there for 2 hours. It was only then that they weighed and measured her. 7lbs2oz and 19 inches of gorgeous baby. With a head full of dark hair and blue eyes, she was and still is perfection in a tiny body. 

My birth plan didn't go completely as planned, but I always said that as long as I made empowering decisions and not decisions out of fear, that I'd accept and be okay with anything. I have no regrets. I completely believe that without the epi, I would have ended up with a c-section. My nurses were great and listened to me and read and discussed my plan with me every time there was a deviation. My doctor is awesome, and allowed me a say in my care and in the interventions that I had. My doula is amazing. Without her support, I wouldn't have lasted as long as I did. My husband was my rock. He was scared out of his mind, but never questioned my choices or voiced his fear. He constantly told me how amazing I was and reminded me of the prize at the end. And more than anything, my friends on the forums and on facebook were a constant source of love and support. I re-read the comments and posts a hundred times that day and drew strength from them. Thank you for believing in me. 

Things to remember.

This time in my life is going by so quickly, so I decided to compile a list of things I want to always remember about the first months of Mikaylas life.

 1. The way she wrinkles her nose as she eats.

 2. The way she buries her face in your arm when she's trying to fall asleep.

 3. The way she squirms around when she's happy. It's as if she has too many happy thoughts that need to escape.

 4. The sighs she makes when she sleeps.

 5. Her smell. Its intoxicating.

 6. The way she fights sleep. Its as if she's afraid she's going to miss something exciting.

 7. The smiles she gives in her sleep.

 8. The way she curles her legs under her and sticks her bottom out when you pick her up.

 9. The way her head fits perfectly under my chin.

 10. Her barracuda motion when she's searching for her bottle or her pacified.

 11. The way her tiny toes grip your lip when you kiss her feet.

 12. The look of wonder and amazement in her eyes when she sees something new.

 13. The coos and smiles when she wakes up in the morning.

 I love my beautiful baby girl. She's growing way too fast.

A letter to my Sugar Plum.....2 months old.

Dear Sugar Plum, (Monkey Butt, Booger Butt, Baby Girl, Fussy Face)

Hi Baby, I have so many nicknames for you that I am worried you won't ever know your real name! Anyway, you are two months old already. The time is going by so fast. I can't believe that in one more month I have to go back to work. I'm not looking forward to that whatsoever. I'm not going to wish the time away though, so lets not go there right now. You had your 2 month well baby check up a couple of days ago, and you weigh 11lbs2oz and are 22 1/2 inches long. You're a little under the 50th percentile for both. Your cute little noggin was 15 1/2 inches. You are healthy and thriving sweet girl. You change every day. You've mastered the art of smiling and cooing. You can roll from your back or tummy to your sides and you hold your head up and take in the world every chance you get. You are so curious. I love seeing the wonder in your eyes. You amaze me every day, and I didn't know what love was until you were placed in my arms for the first time. Nothing compares to it.  Your favorite things this month were your swing, your pacifier, rocking in the rocking chair, sleeping and cuddling with mommy and tummy time. There's nothing you don't like, except being tired.

I hope you know how much I love you.

Love, Mommy

P.S. Here's how you looked this month!

4 weeks old

Dear Sugar Plum,

Oh Em Gee, you are 4 weeks old today. What an incredible 4 weeks these have been. Time is going by so quickly, and you are growing right before my eyes. You weigh 9lb3.5oz. You've gained over 2 lbs this past month. You are wearing size 1 diapers and have outgrown most of your newborn clothes. 

I look at you baby girl, and my heart swells with so much pride and love. You are so beautiful and you amaze me everyday. I can't wait to see the person you become as you grow, but at the same time, I wish you'd slow down the growing. I try hard everyday to live in the moment, and not wish these days away. I savor every second with you, even the ones we have in the middle of the night. I try and remember that one day you won't want me to rock you to sleep, and I'll long for the days you did.

You are getting stronger everyday. You can control your neck so much better, and hold your head up for longer periods of time. You've been so much more awake and alert these past couple of weeks too. We sat in the kitchen and watched daddy make dinner last night. You thought that was the most fascinating thing ever. When you are awake, you stare wide eyed at everything around you. You're taking it all in, and we love to watch you memorizing the world. You enjoy your baths, and you love to sleep on your tummy on your daddy's chest when he comes home from work. We snuggle like that too, from about 7am to 9am everyday. You love it when mommy sings to you, and you don't seem to mind my horrible voice. You stare up at me when I feed you, and I stroke your cheek and whisper in your ear how much I love you. You have the most beautiful blue eyes, and I hope that they stay that color. You are still perfection baby girl, and you always will be. I love you to the sky and back. I always will.

Love, Mommy

Here's how you looked this month.

A new year and a year in review!

2011 has ended on a phenomenal note. It didn't start out great since I was dealing with my miscarriage and infertility issues, but we were proactive and in January sought out the help of a fantastic Fertility clinic that helped us conceive our miracle girl.
In April, Chris and I celebrated his birthday in Newport.  It was a great weekend of relaxation and reconnection. Good Friday that month brought us our long awaited positive pregnancy test.
In May I traveled to Las Vegas for my dad's wedding! That was an adventure as I was only 8weeks pregnant and very tired. It was a great weekend though and I enjoyed spending time with my family.
Summer if 2011 was quiet. I was too tired to do much of anything. June saw us into the second trimester of the pregnancy and in July we found out we were having our little girl. Both wonderful milestones and memories. August found us at 20 weeks and suddenly half way through the pregnancy. Time seemed to be flying by.
In September we celebrated three years of marriage. October brought us to 30 weeks and to a new challenge as I was put on bed rest. My husband is awesome though and stepped up to the the plate. We made it through stronger then ever.
November was Thanksgiving and this year we had lots to be thankful for.
Finally December brought us to our schefuled induction and the birth of our miracle girl on December 16, 2011. Christmas was a magical day as we celebrated with our brand new daughter.
I really don't have many complaints about 2011 and I hope that 2012 is just as good to us. I only have a couple of resolutions for 2012. In February, I'm jumping back on the Weight Watchers wagon. I'm determined to loose weight and get healthier. I'm waiting until February because with a newborn in the house I have enough on my plate for now. My next resolution is to just enjoy life. I want to be present in my life and I want to enjoy every second with my daughter. My third resolution is to blog more.
So that's it. I hope you all have a fun and safe New Years! See you in 2012!

2 weeks old

Dear Sugar Plum,
Mommy cannot believe that you are two weeks old already! You are such a joy and have filled our lives with such happiness. You are the most beautiful little girl, absolute perfection in a teeny body. I love holding you and watching you sleep. You make the cutest faces and most adorable noises. You always make me laugh. My favorites are the little smiles you give us in your sleep and the barracuda you do when your hungry. You open your mouth wide, squish your eyes closed, and shake your head while searching for your food. From the beginning I nicknamed it the barracuda. It suits you, and daddy teases you with the bottle to make you do it on command.
Speaking of your daddy, he's so in love with you. I love watching him holding you. He's such a good daddy. You're a very lucky little girl. He'd do anything for you and you already have him wrapped around your little finger.
You celebrated your first Christmas this month. What a happy day that was for us. We dressed you up in your cute Christmas dress and celebrated with your grandma Terry, grandpa Wayne, Aunt Jamie, Uncle Greg, cousin Kristina and your great grandpa.  You slept the whole time, but we had fun celebrating for you. Every body was saying how fun next Christmas will be, but I don't want to think about you being a year old. Mommy wants to keep you small for a long time.
You haven't really reached any milestones these past two weeks. I mean aside from being a whole 14 days old. You still have a wobbly head as your Auntie Sarah likes to say. You can lift your head and you are getting better at controlling your neck, but it's not perfect yet. You eat like a champ and get about 75% breast milk. We supplement with formula at night and it works for us. You are definitely growing. You are still in newborn clothes and diapers and some of your newborn outfits are still a little big. Mommy has so much fun dressing you up in your cute little clothes!
Your favorite trick though, is peeing and pooping as soon as we take your diaper off to change you. You just amile at us the whole time like its so funny. I have to wash your changing table pads almost daily.
You got your first bath tonight. You loved it! We got it on film and took pictures. Mommy has to document everything!
These past two weeks have been the best weeks of my life. I love being your mommy sugar plum and I love you all the way to the sky and back.
Love, mommy

Merry Christmas

My miracle girl arrived on 12/16 at 5:07 am. She weighed 7lb2oz and was 19 inches long. She's absolute perfection and I'm so in love. I'll be enjoying her first Christmas with family this year.  I'll post her birth story soon. Until then, enjoy these pictures and Merry Christmas! 

Baby Day

So here we are. It's baby day. I didn't know that a person could have so many emotions running through their body as I do this morning. I'm excited, but on top of all that is so much more. There is anxiety because I know I still have a long way to go before she's actually safe in my arms. There's fear. Fear of change. Fear of the unknown. Fear that something will go wrong. There's sadness because the pregnancy will be over and I really enjoyed being pregnant. There's love, because I love this little girl so very much, and I love my husband and I can't wait to see him with his baby girl. I'm also feeling so much love from friends and family too. I can feel the love and support pouring out of my computer screen from all the facebook posts. This little girl and I are so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives. We are so incredibly loved. There are just so many feelings and thoughts running through my head. How is this going to change our lives? Is my pup going to be okay with a baby and our attention being divided now? This might be silly to you, but my pup is a major part of our family and our first baby. I don't want him to feel unloved. I'm worried that my relationship with my husband will change. I know it will, but will it still be good and right and will we still have time for us? It's been  just him and I for 13 years. We have such a good relationship and enjoy spending time together. I'm worried that that will change. I'm worried about bringing this tiny helpless newborn home from the hospital and knowing what to do with her. She'll cry and will I be able to comfort her? I'm worried about raising her to be a strong, independent woman in today's crazy messed up world. I'm worried about being a good mom. I'm worried about loving her enough. I'm just plain worried. I'm sure this is all normal mom stuff to worry about, and the fact that I'm worried means I love her enough already. I just needed to get all of these emotions off my chest and down on paper, or blog in this case. I'll never again be anticipating the induction and birth of my first baby after all. After getting all these emotions and feelings out in the open, I realize that most of all, the biggest emotions I'm feeling is excitement!! I've been planning this and anticipating this for years! It's finally coming true. I get to meet my baby and hold her in my arms, and kiss her cheeks and tiny baby toes. I get to hold my baby!! That makes all these other crazy emotions so worth it!! 

Dear Baby Girl,

Today is the day. You're officially being evicted and must come out and meet your mommy and daddy! I know its a little early, but you're a big strong girl, and mommy needs to stay healthy so its time to come. I hope you know how much I love you already. How much your daddy loves you. We've been waiting for you for so long, and we are so excited that this day is finally here. I want you to stay strong for me while all this happening. It's gonna be scary, but you won't be alone. Mommy will be here every step of the way doing what I need to so to stay calm and healthy for you! You have so much waiting for you out here. Family, and friends who can't wait to spoil you. A pup who is just waiting to shower you with kisses. A beautiful nursery, and so much love you won't know what to do with it all. 

I look forward to seeing you baby girl. 

Love you always.

Mama

Announcement!

It's only 2 weeks until Christmas! Can you believe it?! Where oh where has time gone. There are only 3 weeks left in 2011! Oh, and I'm having a baby this week!! My induction has been scheduled for Wednesday the 14 of December. That's only 2 days away. After all those wishes to Santa for a baby for Christmas, I finally get my Christmas wish. This is going to be the best Christmas ever. I'm so blessed and thankful for my Christmas miracle girl. I can't wait to see her sweet face.

Wow, Where has the last 33 weeks gone?

So 33 weeks today. Amazing. Its been quite a journey. One that I have loved so so much. I really have enjoyed being pregnant. All the pain and heartache it took to get here has been totally worth every second. I hit a bump in the road 3 weeks ago though, and it's been a bit rough. At my 30 week OB appointment, my blood pressure was a bit high. Not off the charts high, but high enough to warrant some more tests. So off to the  vampires, um, the lab I went. I had blood drawn and I also had to do a 24 hour urine collection. Now this isn't as much fun as it sounds. Believe me, peeing in a jug and then keeping it in the refrigerator for 24 hours is kind of gross. I did all that on Friday October 28th. Over the weekend I was having a lot of persistent dizziness. No matter what position I was in, I felt like I was spinning. No fun at all. So on Halloween, I made an appointment with my OB and went it. I ended up at the hospital for 3 hours hooked up to monitors to watch the baby, (She's perfect), and I ended up on bed rest for 48 hours until I could get in to see my doctor on Wednesday the 2nd. Long story short, I ended up diagnosed with pre-eclampsia at 30 weeks, and put on strict bed rest. The pre-e is mild, and being controlled very well with bed rest. I monitor my blood pressure at home, and its been excellent! The protein in my urine has also decreased. I'm having twice a week BPP's, and weekly NST's and OB appointments. The best part about being high risk is the sneak peeks I get every Tuesday and Friday at my baby girl. So far she is very healthy. I was given the steroid shots while I was in the hospital just in case she had to come out then. Last week at 32 weeks she weighed about 4lb12oz. She's doing her practice breathing exercises like a champ and is super active. So for now, we are both healthy. The plan is to keep her baking for as long as possible up until 37 weeks. If I haven't had to deliver her by then, the plan is to be induced. According to my doctors my chances of my pre-e getting severe and causing major problems rise after 37 weeks. So as of now, it looks like I have a maximum of 4 weeks left!

So now for an update and pictures!!

How far along?  33 weeks

Total Weight Gain/Loss? I've still only gained 4lbs. 

Maternity Clothes? Most definitely. And starting to grow out of them! 

Gender? Feisty baby girl!

Movement? A ton. Some days I think she's trying to escape. 

Labor Signs? Nope. Not even any braxton hicks contractions. 

Sleep? Really good actually. Some nights I sleep through without having to get up and pee. 

Symptoms? Heartburn. 

Cravings? Everything I see on t.v. since I can't go out and get anything. 

Best Moment? Her daddy finally felt her move a few weeks ago!

Letter to my baby girl-25 weeks

Hey there baby girl,

We've made it to 25 weeks. I can hardly believe it some days. Its amazing to realize that you are growing bigger and stronger inside of me. You are so active and you are getting so strong. I was sitting reading today and you kicked me so hard you made my kindle jump. I was really not expecting that. I keep telling people you are going to be a soccer player.

This week you weigh about two pounds and are 14 inches tall. You are the size of an eggplant. I am in shock that you started out the size of a poppy seed and are now as big as you are. Its a miracle, and an amazing thing. You can respond to noises now too. I'll have to try that out and maybe get you started listening to some music or poetry!

You are so active, but you calm down when your daddy is nearby. I always feel the strongest kicks when I'm alone. He'd really like to feel you baby girl, so maybe its about time you let him?! He loves you so much, and as much as I love having you all to myself, I'd like to share you with him at times. So please, for me, will you let your daddy feel you move?

I hope you know how much you are loved. We have so many hopes and dreams for you. We want you to grow up happy and knowing that you are loved by many. We want you to be strong and fight for what you believe in.We want to teach you to be kind and compassionate and gentle with others. Your daddy and I want to be good role models for you, and we know that we will make mistakes with you, but we want you to always know, and never doubt how much we love you.

Keep growing my love. Keep getting stronger, and in about 15 weeks I'll be holding you in my arms.

Love always,
Mama

Letter to my love

Babe,

Happy three year Anniversary! I cannot believe its been 3 years since we said I do, and I became your wife. My life changed forever on that day, and so far, nothing has topped it. We've had a pretty incredible three years. So many changes have come our way. Our fertility struggles, and losing our baby last year was one of the hardest things we've ever gone through. I'm proud of us though. I'm proud of how we handled it, and know without a shadow of a doubt that we are stronger together because of it. You are my rock, my shelter from pain. I can be myself with you, and I thank you for that. I wouldn't have been able to get through this year without you.

Many good things have happened too. More good then bad actually. The biggest, well conceiving our daughter! Its strange to think that this will be the last year of us being a family of two on our anniversary. Next year our miracle will be here to celebrate with us. I look forward to that.

I look forward to watching you with her. You are such an amazing husband, and I know that you will be an amazing dad. Whatever doubts you have about your ability to be a good father, remember that I believe in you. We won't be perfect parents, and I know we will make mistakes, but we have each other to lean on, and we are the perfect team. We will be able to give her love, and understanding and she will know that she is forever loved. Just like you show me every day. I am proud and so very happy to be entering parenthood with you by my side. There is nobody else on earth that I would want to do this with. Just like there is nobody else on earth I would want to have the honor of calling my husband. I love you more than you know. Thank you for being perfect for me!!

Love always,
Your wife.

A vacation recap and distance does in fact make the heart grow fonder!

I spent last week in southern Cali visiting family. My mom, godmom and I drove the 14 hours down south for the week all in one day. Let me tell you, I was so done with the car after the first 6 hours. It was a very long day. The next day totally made up for it though. We stayed at the Marriott Resort on Coronado Island. It was gorgeous. Totally and completely gorgeous. We spent two heavenly days lounging by the pool, enjoying the water, drinks (totally of the virgin variety for me), and the sea breeze. It was exactly what this 6 month pregnant lady needed. The rest of the week was spent in Oceanside with family. Girl talks, shopping, gossip and reminiscing was was on the agenda. It was a long week and I really missed my husband, but overall it was wonderful!

Because of my job, Chris and I are used to being apart a few days a week. So me leaving for the week seemed like no big deal. I'd miss him and I assumed he would miss me, but I really had no idea how much. He called me on Tuesday sounding so sad. He portrays a lot of emotion through his voice, and even if he denies anything being wrong, I can pick up on it pretty quickly. Three years of marriage and a total of 12 years together, and I can read his body language and voice instantly. I knew something was wrong that day when I picked up the phone. What he said, melted my heart and made me fall in love with him all over again. For a man that keeps his emotions in check most of the time, hearing him say how much he missed me, and wished I was coming home the next day like normal was a wonderful sound. It really made me know, that without a doubt that he loved me and needed me. The look on his face when I saw him on Saturday after being gone was priceless too. It was a look of utter joy. I'll never forget the way his eyes lit up when he saw me, and the grin on his face. It was a look of true love. One that couldn't be faked, or imitated. I have always known that he loved me, never doubted it, but seeing it on his face after being apart, well, it was magical. Maybe the week apart was something we needed to stop taking each other for granted and to remind us how important it is to show each other on a daily basis what we mean to one another. We spent a wonderful night at home. He cooked me dinner, and held me as I fell asleep that night. The next day was one of the best days I've had in a long time. I felt connected to him. We were affectionate, and laughed and joked together. We had fun just doing nothing around the house. He sat next to me on the couch. That might not sound like much, but I usually sit on the sofa, and he usually sits on the love seat. I never realized how much I missed resting my head on his shoulder while watching TV, or how how much I missed his arms around me while I napped on the couch. It was a heavenly day.

Its funny how a little time apart can bring you back together again when you never realized you needed it.